


Touching Heaven

by thingyoudowiththatthing



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Anger, F/M, Implied Smut, Suicidal Thoughts, cambion!reader
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-25
Updated: 2018-06-25
Packaged: 2019-05-28 06:56:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,647
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15043256
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thingyoudowiththatthing/pseuds/thingyoudowiththatthing
Summary: You make a promise you intend to keep.





	Touching Heaven

_“You see, no one is fearless, not even supernatural beings. Not powerful, celestial beings; not the dark, twisted souls known as demons; not even you or me.  
_

_There was a time when I was hunted; I still am, I suppose, but I used to have a safe haven. I still do, but it’s no longer familiar to me. Something is missing. It is no longer my sanctuary and it offers me no absolution. Not since you took him from me. See, what you don’t understand is that he saved me, as much, or maybe even more than I saved him. I was holy to him. God knows what he saw in me, but his love saved me. He was my saving grace, my angel. Literally. My angel._

_I had always been hunted, but when I lost my powers, I lost myself. I lost my ability to hide, to shelter myself from their evil. The demons and angels had taken all sunlight from my life and I had no one left. Nowhere left to go. I felt as if I was living an eternal winter. No end in sight, nothing left to live for. Always hiding, always on the run. So I decided to end it all. I could feel them coming, the demons, those black eyed vermon surrounding the house as I ran out of time. I wasn’t about to let them take me. I would not let them take the last thing I had left: my humanity. I wouldn’t let them twist and pull at my body and soul until I became something I could no longer recognize, until I was what you wanted me to be; what I feared I would become._

_That was when he found me._

_I was so broken. There was no light left in  or around me, my eyes only able to see the darkness of the world, and I wanted to give up. I had sworn to myself that I would be strong, that I wouldn’t give in, but as I knelt in the middle of the living room, I felt so alone. The tears began rolling down my cheeks. I had lost all hope and I was ready to push the dagger through my chest, stop my throbbing heart from beating, stop my soul from turning darker, more malignant with each passing day and with each loss. Ready to end it all. That was when I felt them. Him._

_Their radiant light shone through my doom, illuminating my desolace, stopping the dagger in my hand from hitting its mark. I felt their humanity, their righteousness and courage. I knew in an instant that neither of the two tall men or the graceful angel by their side would be a threat to me. I knew they were there to help, to show me kindness and offer me the same chance, they had given each other over and over._

_They saved me that night; not only from the demons, but from myself. They took me in and offered me a home and, more importantly, a family. Sam and Dean are like brothers to me and I am not going to let you hurt them. Not again. Not ever again. And I am going to get him back, even if it means destroying you and losing my powers for good. I don’t need them. Not as long as I have him._

_You see he saw something in me from the first moment he laid eyes on me, maybe even before that. He was the one that had brought the brothers to me. He was the one that thought I could help them in their fight against the darkness. I can and I still will, but not without him. Not without my angel, and certainly not with you.”_

You closed your eyes and let your monologue hang in the air as your mind wandered back to your first days in the bunker; how lost you had felt, how full of doubt. The brothers had realized you were powerless and still they had taken you in, offered you a sanctuary away from the world that wanted you dead or twisted into evil.

This place had quickly become your home and you had loved it here. You loved the brothers for their kindness and ability to make you laugh, their ability to still be humans after all they had been through, their ability to still love and feel compassion.

But he was different. Not because he was an angel, not because he was the only angel you had even come across that hadn’t tried to kill you; the only angel in existence that didn’t want to cause you any harm. Sure that made him different, but it wasn’t what made him stand out to you. He understood you. He understood what it felt like to feel lost and powerless. One of the many late night walks you shared with him, aimlessly wandering around the perimeter of the bunker, he’d told you his story, every heartbreaking, awe-inspiring detail.  You’d been jumpy and paranoid, on edge with every little sound the creaky bunker had to offer, but Cas had helped you see the beauty in the world, just like he had inside the bunker.

Still too scared,  too untrusting to leave the safety of the Men of Letters’ walls,  he stayed with you. Watching corny movies and silly tv-shows, he smiled at your progress when you had finally started to laugh again, wrapped his arms around you as the people on the screen made you cry, remembering your own despair not too long ago.

He’d been the one to teach you about the Winchesters and their constant fighting, every raised voice  initially scaring you. He’d taught you that it was a sign of love; when Sam hid Dean’s car keys or stole the last piece of pie. It was a sign of love when Dean got back at him by putting blue hair dye in his shampoo or putting salt in his coffee rather than sugar. Their teasing each other meant love and their fighting showed them how much they cared.

Cas sent you knowing smiles every time the brothers started in with their antics, and you couldn’t help but giggle. Your laughter had stopped them a few times, earning you annoyed grumbles from Dean, telling you Sam’s behavior was nothing to laugh about, his eyes gleaming in slight amusement even when they were narrowed your way. The shone with something that told you he was happy to see you laugh and smile, and when you looked over at Cas smiling back at you, you knew you had been right.

Cas had been there for you. He had helped you understand the world around you, the world that you had sheltered yourself from. On your first walk, he had coached you through the stimulants and explained that not every sound meant danger. He had shown you the beauty in the bees, doing their daily work collecting nectar and turning it into honey. He had shown you the way a red fox taught her litter how to hunt, telling you softly that her lessons to her young offspring meant she was concerned for their future and wellbeing.

With his help, you started to see beauty in the nature; the way the river rushed through the land and the way the wind made the trees above your head whistle, how all the sounds combined made up a melody that you could only hear if you truly listened.

Cas made the night shine like the brightest of days as you laid together on the cool, Kansas ground. Safely hidden between the trees and out of sight from the bunker and the rest of the world, he baptized you with his kiss. His love washed away your fears and you wanted to do the same for him. Rolling him to his back, your chest pressed into his, your lips and tongue meeting his in a hesitant display. When he kissed you back, you let yourself give in, slowly undressing him before letting him do the same to you. His grace washed over you, cleansing your soul as you sighed his name to the stars, nothing but blue filling your vision when he finally sunk into you. The two of you held each other close, those blue eyes consuming you; blue as the heavens they were created in, as the ocean that covered the earth he’d taught you to love, as the grace that glimmered around him and caressed your skin.  

You hadn’t seen the stars come out until you were laying in his arms, wrapped safely in his arms and wings. You promised each other you’d never leave, never give up. You had believed him, just like you’d believed everything else he’d told you, shown you.

You opened your eyes and stared out into the room you once had shared with the angel. As it turned out, the promise he’d made that night had been a promise he couldn’t keep, and you and the brothers were left alone when he had finally left you. Slowly, you stood, fists clenched against your sides as you made a vow you had every intent of keeping.

_“I will get him back! You will not hurt him. You won’t get to keep him and you won’t get to hurt  or use my brothers, either. Sam and Dean are safe with me. My powers are restored now that you are walking the earth and I promise you, I will kill you, even if it’s the last thing I do. I will get my angel back home safely. I’ll be his saving grace this time. I know you can hear me, Lucifer. No one in this world is fearless, not a single being… You’ve taken my everything from me, and I am telling you to fear me!”_


End file.
